


The Not-Angel With The Perfect Ass (emphasis on perfect)(emphasis on angel)

by RoanOaks



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Stripper/Exotic Dancer, M/M, No Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2019-03-06 17:25:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13416036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoanOaks/pseuds/RoanOaks
Summary: Deadpool accidentally finds out Spider-Man's secret identity.No, really, it was an accident.Damn, though, Peter Parker is a great stripper.Wait, but shit he's barely getting by!Okay well now we HAVE to buy him food.A date?Noooooo!Yup.Or the one in which Deadpool finds out Spider-Man's scent identity. But Peter Parker is a stripper who is also sorts poor and so Wade takes him on a date.





	The Not-Angel With The Perfect Ass (emphasis on perfect)(emphasis on angel)

**Author's Note:**

> Heeeey shameless self promo here but if you like this fic, check out my Spideypool series, Princess Bride! Can't link it but you totally should read it, it's great.

Wade had not meant to find out Spider-Man's secret identity, okay? Well, sure he had meant to follow Spidey, but that was to make sure he got home safe, okay? And sure, he should have just stopped following after he watched Spidey go into an Alley a Hero and out a Civvy, but then he walked into a strip club!

And sure, he should've just left Spidey-Civvy be, but then he just had to know what kind of people Spidey was into! Plus, Spidey hadn't gotten home yet, and that _was_ why Wade had been following Spidey originally, so it wasn't like it was completely unjustified!

And sure, once he saw that Spidey-Civvy was waiting tables, he should've just left, but then Spidey-Civvy had ended up waiting his table, and he couldn't just say no! Besides, Spidey-Civvy had been hot as fuck, and he couldn't just let the opportunity to see that perfect bod and that delicious ass work itself go to waste!

He probably should have left once Spidey-Civvy had been called up the stage with the stage name of Arachne, but by then he just figured that since Spidey-Civvy was a stripper, he wouldn't mind people watching him, well, strip on stage! Besides, it wasn't like he was cat calling or something! And he did leave a generous sum of money.

And okay, fine, he probably shouldn't have gone back to watch Spidey-Civvy the next night, or the night after that, or the night after that, but, Spidey-Civvy was just, so, perfect! He was like an angel or something, and how could Wade pass that opportunity up?

But none of that explained the private little lap dance he was getting at the moment, considering how he never paid for one. No, really, he hadn't! He had thought that that itself might be a breach in boundaries, but Spidey-Civvy seemed to have no qualms doing that absolutely flexible move and that one thing he was doing on his lap right now and no, wow, wow, okay. Spidey-Civvy was a talented stripper.

Also, it doesn't explain the start in conversation or how the security cameras are suspiciously dark.

"So, Deadpool, if I may call you that," Spidey-Civvy, or rather, Arachne all but purred as he continued in his absolutely beautiful dance. "Why've you been watching me dance?"

"Because you have the body of an angel, Arachne Boo," Deadpool responded, watching in a sort of displaced wonder as Spidey-Civvy did that flexible thing again. Spidey-Civvy let out a low laugh, made just a little lower for seductive purposes. Deadpool felt like purring. Like, honest to god purring.

"I'm not an angel, Deadpool, I'm a little to comfortable with my body to be that pure," Spidey-Civvy responds, making little circles on the collar bone of Wade's suit with his fingers before using his hands to make a particularly graceful dance move.  

"But you're so," Deadpool begins before he gulps. Actually gulps. "Perfect."

"Thank you," Spidey-Civvy responds, and his eyes flick up to the clock. He smoothly gets off of Wade's lap, humming a little. "I paid for this dance, Deadpool, but I'm afraid if you ever want to see me and my... perfect body again in this close proximity you'll have to pay for another one, or take me on a date."

Spidey-Civvy leaves before Deadpool can form an articulate response, and so he leaves and calls a taxi home in a daze. The image of Spidey-Civvy seared into his mind and letting him go free with his fantasies, a hand, and a bottle of lube for a continuous seven hours later.

He doesn't expect to see Spidey-Civvy not a stripper and buying groceries at a grocery stop nearby a few days later (he did not stop visiting the strip club to watch.). Spidey-Civvy smiling and laughing with the cashier before pulling his grocery bags off the counter and turning to the door. He freezes when he sees Deadpool, eyes widening before he rushes past.

Deadpool buys another lap dance the same night. He expects Spidey-Civvy to be embarrassing but he just silently dances the way he did last time, eyes filled with a sort of dark fire that thrilled him, adding more fuel to Deadpool's fantasy fire and leaving him uncomfortable the entire ride home. Walking up the stairs had proven a challenge.

The next night, Deadpool waits for Spidey-Civvy's shift to end and catches up to him as he leaves, walking quickly out the backdoor. Still in his stripper attire and pulling on a jacket. Crisp cold breeze showing against his bare legs showing he had not expected the weather to drop.

"Hey, Arachne Boo," Deadpool calls out. Spidey-Civvy turns his head, vague amusement in his eyes. He shivers, and Deadpool enjoys watching the shiver move through him the way it does.

"Deadpool," Spidey-Civvy drawls, "To what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?" He puts emphasis on pleasure, and Deadpool has his own little shiver.

"I came for that date I wanted to ask your delicious ass on," Deadpool replies, and Spidey-Civvy smirks.

"You can't ask me on a date if you don't know my name," Spidey-Civvy replies smoothly. 

"And what is your name?" Deadpool asks. Spidey-Civvy's smirk grows a little wider.

"Well now, Deadpool, my aunt May always told me never to tell strangers looking at my body my name, it might make a creepy white van take me from my home," Spidey-Civvy replies in a mock wide-eyed and innocent nature, before leaving in the taxi he called a second later. Deadpool stares a little longer as he processes.

That night he finds out everything he can about Spidey-Civvy. Whose name is Peter Parker, a poor college student just barely living by. Whose only source of income comes from being a stripper and selling freelance photos of Spider-Man. He's got an Aunt May, alive, and Uncle Ben who was killed, deceased, a Gwen Stacey, an ex who was killed. A Harry Osbourn, missing, who was his best friend. A Mary Jane Watson, MJ, another ex. Though she and Peter have remained good friends.

He realizes that night that he's become a stalker, but it doesn't change how readily he uses that bottle of lube and his hand for the next seven hours.

The next day, he finds Peter after work again.

"Hey, Arachne Boo," Wade calls into he alley. Peter turns his head with an amused and curious expression. The weather has picked up it's heat again so he does not shiver, and he doesn't wear a jacket. Fishnets and dark red crop top with a Spidey symbol on it are his clothes, along with Jean shorts and some boots.

"Yes, Deadpool?" He responds.

"Well, I was hopin' for that date?"

"I told you-"

"But I know your name, now!"

"Well I certainly don't feel inclined to accept a date from a guy in an alley behind a strip club, would you?"

Deadpool's left there again. He wonders if these qualify as outright rejections?

He becomes a bit more insistent after that, and shows up at Peter's college. He's talking with his one friend, MJ, when Deadpool skips merrily up to them.

"Hey, Arachne-Boo. Or should I say... Petey-Boo?" Deadpool greets, and Peter freezes. Every part of him tensing, for just a should aye conditions before ehe slips on an amused smile and turns to Deadpool.

"Hello. Um, Deadpool," Peter tries to sound confident. But his stutter and the shaking in his hand dispels that.

"Came to ask you on that date!" Is all Deadpool responds with.

"Is he bothering you? Should I get rid of him?" MJ asks Peter, and Peter's eyes widen.

"No, no, it's fine he's just like, a stalker or something," Peter responds easily. Deadpool frowns and pouts.

"I resent this, don't ignore me, Arachne-Boo," Deadpool speaks up, poking Peter's cheek fir emphasis. 

"I was always told it was a rather smart move to not go on dates with strangers, Deadpool. Espicially ones after my body," Peter responds, that stripper confidence seeming to find it's place. It doesn't change the fact that Deadpool knows it's sorta an act now, but he just pouts.

"But-"

"Goodbye, Deadpool," Peter says somehwat airly before he and MJ walk away.

The next day Deadpool shows up at Peter's school again. Complete determination to get that date filling him up. Peter's alone this time, that's cool. Deadpool skips up to Peter.

"Hey, Arachne-Boo, or Petey-Boo, I'm Wade Winston Wilson," Deadpool sticks out a hand. Peter seems to contemplate it before he shakes the hand.

"Peter Parker," Peter responds somewhat hesitantly.

"Now that I'm not a stranger, can I take you on that date?" Deadpool is quick to the point. Peter blinks a few times.

"I was always told not to go on dates with strangers who have criminal records that are as recent as last month," Peter responds, "After all, they could be trying it kill me, next."

Peter walks away.

Deadpool spends the next three months not taking any jobs and trying to learn how the fuck to be a hero, which is hard as shot but he's getting a little better. He skips up to Peter at school again (he never stopped the strip club visits.)

"Hey Arachne-Petey-Boo, I've stopped taking jobs for three months and I'm even trying to be a hero!" Deadpool sounds proud, and he forgets to ask for that date. Peter's eyes widen before he smiles.

"That's nice," his tone sincere, as he begins heading to his next class, Deadpool falling in stride beside him to tell him all about it.

That night Spidey comes to him and asks for a teamup.

The next day, Deadpool skips up to Peter.

"Can I get that date, now?" He asks, startling Peter from his conversation with a bunch of other equally nerdy but significantly less attractive nerds.

"Did you do all of this just to score a date with me?" Peter asks by way of answer, awe and incredulousness in his tone, mixed with flattery.

"Mostly," Deadpool responds, and Peter smiles this smile that Wade never wants to see leave his face.

"Only if you don't stop the hero thing," Peter says, and Deadpool nods.

"Deal."

**Author's Note:**

> If you don't comment I'm personally offended. Please comment.
> 
> shameless self promo here but if you like this fic, check out my Spideypool series, Princess Bride! Can't link it but you totally should read it, it's great.


End file.
